Product Placement

I had a dream last night in which somebody gave me a Blow Pop . There was no stick coming out of it, but the wrapper was unmistakable. I 'm nervous this is the beginning of a terrible trend of product placement in my dreams, and worse, that I will receive no financial remuneration for such advertising. It's widely known by very few people that my dreams are major conduit to a highly coveted demographic of 20 to 35-year old males with limited spending money and deep-seeded suspicions about corporate psychological warfare. I would ask that whoever is in charge of my R.E.M. sleep cycle take into consideration the ramifications of the opening of this market.

While companies like Daimler Chrysler and The Church of Scientology will pay handsomely to have their vehicle driven by my mother into an awkward naked-at-the-coffee-shop with Parker Posey and Barack Obama conversation on dog breeds, or their logo tattooed on the Elephant delivering pizza to me in the steppes of northern Russia - the sanctity of this last respite from the tangible reality that dominates existence must not be corrupted.

Furthermore, whoever is writing my dreams needs to stop with the remakes of previously released dreams. I'm noticing a disturbing trend of "re-imagined" versions of the "Sven Saves Humanity from a Nuclear Holocaust" and "Sven Can Fly and Nobody Seems Alarmed By It" premises.

If these trends continue, I will forgo R.E.M. sleep completely and go directly from deep sleep to consciousness, avoiding the dream-world completely. This may seem like a toothless threat, but the type of people who occupy the various rolls in my dreams are not the kind of people you want unemployed and out on the streets.